Saturday, November 27, 2004


CAT TAX TIME! ~~~ 12 REASONS WHY ITS OK YOU BURNT THE TURKEY 1 - Salmonella won't be a concern. . 2 - Everyone will think your turkey is Cajun blackened. . 3 - Uninvited guests will think twice next year. . 4 - Your cheese broccoli lima bean casserole will gain newfound������ appreciation. . 5 - Pets won't bother to pester you for scraps. . 6 - No one will overeat. . 7 - The smoke alarm was due for a test. . 8 - Carving the bird will provide a good cardiovascular workout. . 9 - You'll get to the desserts even quicker. . 10 - After dinner, the guys can take the bird to the yard and play football. . 11 - The less turkey Uncle You-Know-Who eats, the less likely he will be to walk around with his pants unbuttoned. . 12 - You won't have to face three weeks of turkey sandwiches! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The BIKER & the OLD LADY: A biker stops by the local Harley Shop to have his bike fixed.��They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. � On the way home, he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil.��He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.��However, struggling outside the store, he now had a problem: How to carry all of his purchases home. � While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.��She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" � The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane.��I would walk you home, but I can 't carry this lot." � The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" � "Why, thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. � On the way he says, "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley.� We'll be there in no time." � The little old lady looked him over cautiously, then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.��How do I know that when we get in the alley, you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt and ravish me?" � The biker said, "Holy smokes, lady!��I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens and a goose.��How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" � The lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens. ~~~Lemon Juice Joke : : For the winter months, an old gent moved to Yuma, AR into a Snow Bird �trailer park where eligible men are at a premium. �After he had been there for a week, he went to confession and said, "Bless �me father, for I have sinned. Last week I had my way with seven different �women." �The priest said, "Take seven lemons, squeeze them into a glass and drink �the juice without pausing." �"Will that cleanse me of my sins, Father?" �"No," replied the priest, "but it'll wipe that grin off your face."��� =^.^=

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